Peppy Pills
by Dark-Angel-Shui-17
Summary: Ever wonder why Duo is always so happy? Because you know it can't be natural. . .
1. Chapter 1

PEPPY PILLS

_(A/N: finally. . .I got the idea for this last year. . . .It's probably been done before, but I don't caaaaare :sing-song voice:)_

_Note: As with all my other one-shot Gundam Wing fics, there is a certain level of OOC-ness. C'mon people, it's fun!_

_---_

Ever wonder just why Duo is so happy all the time? How he can always be so cheerfully hyper and bouncy?

Because you know it _can't_ be natural. . .

---

Heero woke up with a hangover. He had gotten drunk the night before (obviously) and now he was seriously paying for it. Exactly _why_ he got drunk we cannot say for security reasons.

He stumbled down the hall thinking only one thing: Tylenol. Which was rather odd, considering that, once upon a time, he had popped his leg back into its joint with nary a drop of morphine. Go figure.

In any case, he eventually made it to the bathroom (after tripping over the threshold).

Note: Perfect soldiers should not get totally wasted.

Heero pulled himself up off the floor; he left the room dark (for the light—it _burned_!) and fumbled through the medicine cabinet. His fingers encountered something smooth—thank God, the Tylenol. Taking two little pills, he swallowed them dry.

Sighing, Heero turned to go back to his room and the wonderful abyss of sleep. Unfortunately, he tripped over the threshold. . .again. Mentally swearing, he began to pick himself up (again) when he got a funny feeling in his stomach. Groaning, he lay down on the floor and passed out.

---

Duo yawned, coming out of his room, more or less ready to go out in public. He wanted to sleep more, but he had promised Hilde that he would go shopping with her, and if he skipped out on another date, she would hurt him (she'd been taking judo lessons and he was afraid. Very, very afraid.).

And so he made his way down the hallway, eyes closed. . .and tripped. Prying his face out of the carpet, he turned and saw—

"Heero!" Instantly Duo was at his comrade's side, rolling him over, checking his pulse and heartbeat.

"Whew," the braided pilot sighed. "I thought you were dead for a second. . ." Heero made a soft noise. "Eh?" Duo leaned closer.

Heero was. . .giggling. Duo drew back, convinced he was hearing things. But upon closer inspection of the pilot's face, he was indeed smiling and. . .giggling.

"Uh. . .Heero?" Duo asked hesitantly, edging away.

Heero's eyes opened—there was a peculiar sparkle to them. He sat up, looking around. And then he. . .grinned. Duo was nearly sent into cardiac arrest.

"Uh. . .hey, buddy. How you feeling?"

"I feel great!" Heero said. The scary thing was he was genuinely cheerful and seemed completely serious about what he was saying.

Thus, Duo came to the only "possible" conclusion.

_Oh my God, Heero's possessed!_

"Right. . ." Duo got to his feet and went to help Heero up. "Listen, you weren't. . .attacked by anything otherworldly lately, were you?"

"What are you talking about, Duo?" Heero laughed. "I haven't been attacked. I've done some attacking—just last night I had to attack some people in a bar—" He touched a finger to his lips and leaned towards Duo. And then he _winked_. "But I can't let you in on the details—if I did, I'd have to kill you, and that just wouldn't be nice." He started giggling again.

Duo shuddered. "Heero, seriously. . ."

"_Seriously_, you need to lighten up, man!" Heero draped an arm over Duo. "Waaaay too tense, that's what you are!" He stopped suddenly, and slowly turned to stare at Duo.

"Ah. . ." before Duo could convince Heero back to his room (so that Duo could go check for a local priest to do an exorcism) the unthinkable happened.

Heero kissed Duo.

Trowa chose that moment to walk into the hallway. He caught sight of the pair, and the book he was carrying dropped to the floor with a loud _thud_. Before he could start hyperventilating, however, he heard a series of squeals and clicks coming from his right.

In front of the window stood several fangirls, ogling the kissing pilots and taking pictures with non-flash cameras.

"Oy!" Trowa called, and the fangirls scattered. _Wait a minute_, he thought, _This is the second floor. How. . ._ He shook his head. He didn't want to know.

He would definitely have to discuss better security measures, though. . .

A thump brought his attention back to Duo and Heero. The former was sitting on the floor in a heap, while the perfect soldier himself was. . .skipping away and down the stairs.

Once Trowa's mind got over the mental trauma of the situation, he went to kneel beside Duo. The American's face was one solid mask of shock. At Trowa's touch he looked up and blinked.

"What just happened. . .really just happened, right?" he managed.

Trowa sighed. "Heero just kissed you."

"Dear God!" Duo huddled into himself, face buried in his hands.

"Surely it couldn't have been that. . .bad." Trowa coughed. "Come on, you've faced worse."

"That's not the problem!" Duo moaned. "I sort of. . .liked it. . ."

There was a rather uncomfortable silence as the two boys stared at each other.

"Moving on," Trowa said, "why exactly is Heero so. . .different?"

"He's possessed," Duo said, standing and fixing Trowa with an expression that said 'duh'.

"Possessed."

"Yeah, by demons, or aliens, or. . ." Duo looked into the bathroom and paled. "Oh no. He didn't. He couldn't have."

"What?" Trowa demanded.

Duo slowly turned to look at him. "I think he might have taken some of my. . .medication." Trowa blinked at him, then pushed him out of the way and went into the bathroom.

And there it was: a small bottle of pills. The label proclaimed "Peppy Pills" in large yellow letters, with a little "TM" beside it.

Trowa looked at Duo. "Are you serious?"

". . .Yeah."

"And Heero took some of these?"

"Probably."

Trowa smacked his forehead. "For God's sake, man, it's on the label!" He thrust the bottle into Duo's face. The braided pilot, cross-eyed, read aloud:

"Not recommended for stoic individuals, perfect soldiers, and/or psychotic pilots of weapons of mass destruction."

Duo leaned to one side so that he could stare innocently at Trowa. "But my doctor recommended them."

"He must have had a forged certificate of practice," Trowa muttered, pocketing the pill bottle and starting down the hallway. He stopped. "Wait. . .this doctor wouldn't happen to be Professor G?"

"Yeah. Why?"

"Your stupidity is amazing, Duo."

"Oy!"

---

The two of them went downstairs, and met Quatre in the living room. The Arabian had a look on his face that harkened of things disturbing and otherworldly.

"What's wrong?" Duo asked.

"Heero came through here," Quatre replied, his voice rather vague.

"What was he doing?" Trowa asked.

"He was. . .giggling."

Silence.

Trowa glared at Duo. "Okay!" the American yelped. "I swear I will lock the pills in my vault once this is over!"

Quatre blinked and came back from whatever happy place he had been in. "What pills?"

"Peppy pills. That's what has Heero acting so. . .odd."

Quatre sighed. "Thank God. I knew narcotics had to be involved. My second conclusion was that he was possessed by demons or aliens or something."

"Really? That was my first conclusion," Duo said. Trowa shot him a death glare.

"So what does this mean exactly?" Quatre asked. Trowa tossed him the pill bottle, and the blond read aloud:

"_Side effects include: craving sugar and/or caffeine, fits of laughter, hyperactive episodes, and randomly kissing people._

_DANGER: Extended periods of laughter can lead to hyperventilation and loss of consciousness." _

"That may be our salvation," Trowa muttered, giving the bottle to Duo, who pocketed it. But first we need to track him down." Quatre nodded and the two of them started for the door.

"Hey. . .guys?" Duo said, in a 'thinking' stance. "I just remembered. . .didn't a Starbucks open down the block last week?"

Trowa and Quatre stared at him. _Side effects include craving sugar and/or caffeine. . ._

---

I would like to take this moment to say. . .I am -so- sorry. I have no idea what I was on when I wrote this XD

And looks like this is gonna be longer than a one-shot, so I divided it into nice little sections. Bwa-ha-ha.

_Disclaimer: I do not own Gundam Wing. I just have fun tormenting the characters. _


	2. Chapter 2

PEPPY PILLS

_(A/N: Nothing much to say, except that I am going to hell. And this story is the reason :cries: Heero, I'm so sorry!_

_And just a note: I changed one line in the last chapter; instead of Trowa having the bottle of Peppy Pills, Duo has them.)_

---

Wufei sat at a table on the patio of Starbucks, calmly sipping a plain black coffee. He sneered at the people in line, ordering their double frosted cinnamon frappacinos with sprinkles or mocha cherry berry lattes with no foam—he drank his coffee and tea _straight_, as God intended it!

His musings were interrupted, however, when Heero sat down beside him. Wufei should have known something was amiss the moment he saw the perfect soldier smiling.

"Yuy," Wufei said, as a form of greeting.

"Hiya, Wuffles."

Wufei spat out a mouthful, glaring at Heero. Had he just. . .yes, he had. But. . .it was so out of character, so immature and tasteless, so utterly. . .Duo.

Something was wrong.

"Heeeeeeeeee-roooooooooo!"

"Oh, good God." Wufei smacked his forehead, distracted for the moment. "Does that woman ever give up?" Then he noticed that Heero hadn't gotten the telltale twitch he usually developed when Relena came around, nor did he immediately leap behind the nearest bystander and bring out his gun.

Something was definitely wrong.

Relena stopped running once she was a few feet from the table. Heero hadn't done anything other than stand up. She cocked her head to one side. "Why haven't you started running away? You always do that."

"Relena. . ." Heero turned, taking her by the shoulders.

"Heero, what're you—" Wufei stopped as the perfect soldier leaned forward. _Oh my God, he isn't—_

Oh, yes he was.

---

Trowa, Quatre and Duo bolted down the street. Their destination: Starbucks. Their mission: rescue Heero before he did anything worse than kissing Duo.

"What could be worse than kissing Duo?" Quatre asked.

"Hey!"

"Sorry, that came out wrong." Quatre coughed and said in a slightly different tone, "What could be worse than kissing Duo?"

"Heero's kissing Relena."

"WHAT!" Duo and Quatre crashed into Trowa, who had frozen in his tracks. Before them lay Starbucks, their focus on the patio.

Sure enough, Heero was there, Relena was there, and they were going at it. Wufei had keeled over at his table, the sheer shock of the situation causing him to faint.

Suddenly there was a collective screech of, "NOOOO!" The three pilots turned to see a group of fangirls (whether these were the same fangirls as before, we cannot disclose as we are far too afraid to get too close). The fangirls were leaning on each other, or had collapsed on the ground, sobbing.

"What the—" Quatre started.

"Apparently they liked it better when Heero was kissing Duo," Trowa said, eyes averted to both horrors.

"Some of them," Duo said, pointing to another group who had situated themselves in the bushes that lined the patio. They were 'oohing' and clicking pictures and getting very dirty looks from the first group of fangirls.

Trowa turned around. "I'll admit that a hyper Heero is very disturbing, but I cannot handle fangirls. Later." He began to walk back to the house.

"Oh m'God, it's Trowa!" Both groups turned to him and started squealing.

Trowa began to run. The fangirls followed him.

Poor, poor man.

"What are we, chopped liver?" Duo seethed. As if on cue, yet another group of fangirls came out of Starbucks at that moment. (I swear, they have factions that coordinate to show up in these things. . .)

"It's Duo!" and with that they commenced with the glomping.

"Oh my God, I love your hair!"

"Will you go out with me?"

"Marry me, Duo Maxwell, marry me!"

Quatre sweatdropped and hurried to the patio. Heero had gone off somewhere, Wufei was still unconscious and Relena was swaying slightly, with a hazy look on her face.

"Miss Relena?"

Relena slowly turned to him, and Quatre took a step back at the quiet euphoria that was plain on her face.

"Oh, hello Quatre," she said, her voice lilting and dreamy. "I. . .just had the most wonderful thing happen to me. . ."

"Er. . .are you alright?" Quatre asked as Relena turned and started to walk away.

"I'm fine," she called over her shoulder. "Absolutely. . .perfect. . ."

_Maybe I should go after her,_ Quatre thought. _In that state, she's likely to get run over by a truck. _

"Hey, dude." Duo put his hand on Quatre's shoulder, leaning on him and panting.

"Er. . .Duo, where's your shirt?" Quatre asked, stepping away from the American rather quickly.

"It was the only thing I could think of to get rid of the fangirls." Duo jerked his thumb at the small crowd of said female-fanatics, all of whom were captivated by the awesome half-nakedness. "They're really scary."

Quatre cocked an eyebrow at him. "No kidding."

"Anyways, where's Heero?"

"Dunno. He ran off after he kissed Re—"

Duo slapped his hands over Quatre's mouth. "Silence, you fool! It didn't happen!"

"Yes it—"

"No, it did not!"

Wufei groaned and sat up. "I just had the worst nightmare ever."

Duo kneeled down. "Nice of you to join us, Sleeping Beauty. We need your help in subduing Heero once we find him again."

Wufei glared at him. "What's wrong with him?"

"He accidentally took some of Duo's medication, called 'Peppy Pills'," Quatre said.

"'Peppy Pills'?" Wufei repeated.

"Yes—these!" Duo said, thrusting the bottle into Wufei's face.

Wufei read the label and glared. "That is so typical of you. And you let Heero have these?"

"It wasn't intentional!"

"That doesn't really matter at this point," Quatre interjected. "We need to get Heero back home—he's already kissed Duo and Relena—"

"IT NEVER HAPPENED!" Duo screamed.

Wufei paled. "That. . .wasn't a dream?"

Suddenly there were screams from inside Starbucks.

"Oh my God, he has a gun!" one patron yelled, running out onto the sidewalk.

The three Gundam pilots stared at each other. Shit.

Wufei grabbed his katana from where it was leaning on his chair. "Let's go."

Duo grabbed the edge of the table, pulling himself up. "Are you allowed to walk around with that thing?"

The three of them ran around Starbucks, hoping to sneak in the back door and avoid the general panic as people spilled out the front entrance.

---

They didn't notice Zechs walk onto the patio. He had seen the three pilots, but hadn't bothered to call out to them. If anything, he was trying to keep a low profile. He had been running from fangirls all day.

_Stupid fanatics_, he thought. _Always wanting to take my gun or cut my hair and distribute it on Ebay. _He shuddered.

And he had such a headache. He glanced down at the table Duo, Quatre and Wufei had been standing at. There was a small bottle with a yellow label on it.

_What luck, _Zechs thought, opening the bottle and popping a couple pills in his mouth. _Aspirin. _

---

_So, what happens next? I have no idea. This was supposed to be a one-shot, but has, for some inexplicable reason, spun totally out of my control. Dammit. _

_I figure that if I get enough threatening reviews, I'll write sequel chapters. That'd help answer a lot of questions, like:_

_What will happen to Zechs when he's hyper? Where the hell is Noin and why didn't she teach him not to take strange pills? Did Trowa survive the fangirls? And, is Hilde going to kill Duo for skipping out on their shopping date?_

Disclaimer: For God's sake, I don't own 'em! (and I am going to hell T.T)


End file.
